Tuesday, December 4. Checkpoints.
Job : it’s really better. I don’t think I kept a PAID job for so long before. I’m still looking for a second job, though, to fill in the schedule. Still leads, still searching, still receiving calls too. I feel more confident, it’s all going in the good way. I still think about doing my first-aid stuff. And maybe to be officially an educator. I think I could be both an educator and writer, it’s not incompatible, and work with children, and in helping others, it keeps me down-on-earth, and close to what’s important to me, live in reality and not in a microcosm, and keep turned to the future, in spite of the past. And believe in the future, I don’t think I’d work with children if I didn’t believe a light green future possible. It’s true that when I write a lot, I can appear a little disconnected to others. Fox is used to it, but I realize that with “normal” lol people.
Writing : I have a strange relationship with writing since three years (when I started to wonder about my father?). Anyways, writing and me are still friends, but grow-ups it seems, and we need some freedom. I have no doubt it’s what I’m made for. Maybe I lack also energy. Writing ask more energy that people seem to think. So it’s more by periods of time. There’re are full weeks I won’t write, and then within a week I’ll make 50,000 words, not always something I’ll re-write. That’s true I always feel like that when I start a new stuff. I need to think it, to write with my hand(s), possess it, and then allow myself to be possessed by it. So i’m not too worried because I feel it coming.
Love/friendship : well, since I work, I feel better at home. I’m less rigid, especially with my partner, and more confident on my positions, and what i’m willing to take, and not to take. Friendship, I’ve got a good relationship with Coco, although we can’t see, we phone very often, hours in a week. I talk to Flo sometimes. Finally it’s about the friends I’ve had for more than 20 years. There’s Frohike, but he’s SO introverted, it’s difficult to have even a MSN talk with him. He’s worse than me when I was down down down, nearly monosyllabic. The rest are more “buddies”.
The search for my father : which isn’t really a search anymore. I wrote a letter to that guy. I haven’t sent it. Actually it’s more about that. I want to TALK to him in flesh, or have him hold this letter, and no one else. I will go on “harrass” the townhall until they crack and accept to see me or to send me through a lead. I wouldn’t even ask an address. Only to know he’s got something around, and I’d find him. Then if I were him, I’d rent in a hotel. I’m still not sure if it’s the father or the son who’s my father. but the music changed, i’m pretty sure it’s not the holy spirit. I don’t intend to give up. So you heard me.
Others : what has been bothering me for a while now, my left-handedness. or more my unnatural right-handedness. Still difficult to write. I guess I can’t write like with my right hand after more than 20 years doing so. I think it must need around a year to see the progress. I certainly need to be patient. If I know I can do it, I don’t care the efforts, it’s just that I want to know if I really can do that. Apparently yes, I can write back left-handed again. Anyway, I asked to people who know about it. I’m waiting for anwsers. One thing. I’ve had backaches since long years. Since I started changing wrist for my watch. i’m often sitting at my PC, and I have terrible backaches, it becomes unbearable sometimes, to block my black. I noticed that when I’m on the couch and strech my legs on the table, it’s my left leg that’s up. At my PC, it’s the right. That’s true it was made, the desk is home made, by Fox, and so it’s easier to cross right leg up, and I must have done it so because of that. So today I changed, put my left leg up. And it’s crazy, within a minute, the lower part of back stopped hurting, and even my left shoulder that hurts a lot usually seems to be softer. I’m sitting my back more straight, naturally, and not vaulted. It’s crazy. Maybe it was the cause and it’ll disappear now. That would be GREAT.
I take material about switched left-handedness, and it helps me progress. What I can say is it’s really undurrated the impact on your health, social life, to switch hand.
I’m looking forward to seeing X-Files 2! I can’t wait to hear about the start of the filming.
Difficult, but in progress. A bit nervous for the Winter holidays and celebration this year. But maybe on the contrary it’ll be better than anything before. I’ll keep that on mind. I have a crazy idea, for my father, a left-handed idea, the saying would say lol I don’t know for now it’s only an idea. I’ve got to decide quick, though. I’m afraid to screw all this way too, I think that’s what guard me from doing it.
